And just like that my life got flipped, turned upside down

I had a feeling for the last few weeks. I haven’t had a chance to really hang out with Maria, my friend, ex-coworker and apartment-mate. We were always missing each other. When I would come back to the apartment she would either be at work or already in bed, watching a movie. When she had time and was home, usually during the week when The Vine isn’t busy and she wasn’t working, I was working in the City for Paumanok. During mutual days off, like the middle of the week, I’d usually have to head down to campus and do work, meet with my professor, etc and by the time I’d come back, she’d be heading up Island towards her home and to hang out with Paul. The refrigerator has been nearly empty; the cats are always taken care of, as in their let in an out and loved whenever possible. It’s a good thing they’re pretty self sufficient.

With all of the opposing schedules, we haven’t been able to talk and catch up on each other’s lives, yet they keep on going. Of course there needs to be a time when all is caught up. Today, briefly, was that day. I’d been thinking about it for some time, knowing what was happened without knowing what was happening.

Maria began this summer needing a break from the 9-5, which was more like 9-7 at e2sys, and thought she had found it at The Vine; a nice restaurant/wine bar in Greenport. There is an excellent wine list and a cute patio for outdoor seating. However, it’s not on the main strip in town and it’s not as well known or traveled to as other places such as the Frisky Oyster or Claudio’s. While the food is supposedly good and like I said the wine list is competitive, the price range isn’t all that great. It’s a bit expensive. While people do leave fairly hefty tips from what Maria has told me, there isn’t the turn around that is necessary for everyone to make good money. Besides that, the area is too expensive for that type of job, not worked full time, to be worthwhile.

I had a notion even before she started this job that it wasn’t going to be stimulating or personally fulfilling enough for the likes of Maria. She had changed the whole procedure of e2sys, the renewable energy company that we both worked for since the early part of last year. We both went full time right about the same time and worked our collective tails off for next to nothing for nearly a year. After it was all said and done (for me) I resigned earlier this year after returning from – yet-another – life changing trip abroad, this time to Argentina. I returned to university on a full-time basis but at a completely different institution, at least to me. The “mother” university (more like bitchy, cocky, abusive, yet extremely-well-regarded-and-with-great-potential father-in-law) was the same; however the campus was its own. I transferred to Stony Brook’s Southampton campus from its Main Campus. The new campus was focused on sustainability and community. It was the perfect place.

One of those times in your life you’ll never forget took place before I made my schedule at the school; in fact, it was these experiences that set my mind on coming to this sacred place.

Upon returning from Argentina, I was met with several realizations. One being that my yearning for education was not being met in my current situation. Another being that geothermal, although something I still support was not the avenue that I felt was right for my life. I also gained the satisfaction of proving to myself what had originally driven me to take a semester off from school and pursue a full-time job in the “real-world.” I learned that I was never going to find success in the degree I received at school and that I could learn whatever I wanted, wherever I wanted to learn it. I learned that I could do “it” myself; I could be successful without following the path I’d been directed to follow throughout my life. The same path that every one of my peers has been directed to follow throughout their lives. – Graduate high school and attend university. Graduate from university in four years and find a job or go to graduate school. – However, I also realized that there were schools that taught the types of things I was most passionate about. There are niche places that have the same concern for our world that I do. The same nervousness about our way of life and how we live in this world and interact with the environment; these are issues that others care about. Stony Brook Southampton was one of these places.

Since I was returning from my hiatus with short but extensive experience in the renewable energy field – at that point I was managing the geothermal installations (one or two) and the design and engineering of the residential systems (again, one or two) – I thought that the field of Environmental Design, Policy and Planning was an excellent avenue. I set up a meeting with the faulty director of the major for the first week that I was back stateside. Our meeting went well beyond what either of our expectations was initially. We by no means restricted our conversation to scholastic ideas, but rather discussed shared passions and concerns, tales from our past such as Peace Corps ordeals and my own trips abroad. It was such a wonderful discussion that I had already made up my mind to come to the campus. Before leaving, professor Quigley invited me to sit in to two of his classes.

My ride home was intense and full of emotion. I stopped at Paumanok, the vineyard I work for, and discussed resuming the Greenmarkets in order to ensure some type of income. I went back to my apartment and couldn’t help but begin immediately writing my letter of resignation. Once completed I drove to the office, knowing the executives were convened for the biweekly board meeting. I waited until the agenda was complete, went in and explained my reasons for leaving. Barely getting the words out, I could sense complete surprise and once I finished they all thanked me and we discussed any continued relationship.

Soon after I resigned, I made my way back down to the campus in Southampton, a ride I would come to treasure throughout the semester. I arrived early to the class I was sitting in and when I did, there were already two other students; John Botos and Michelangelo. As the semester played out, I became good friends with both of these students and came to respect each of them in so many ways. Within two minutes of taking a seat we were all heavily involved in a conversation regarding the United States energy policy. I believe that the Climate Bill was being voted on at that time and of course it was a topic of interest for me and the students of Southampton. Although I cannot remember the precise words, topic or flow of that conversation, it stuck with me. I thought to myself, if conversation like that can arise in such a short period of time with the first two people I encounter at this school, I’m in the right place.

Fast forward through the semester and Maria and I are still living together on the North Fork of Long Island. We’ve become siblings in so many ways. I love her for who she is, but as with anyone you live with there are those things that tick ya off, but I’ve come to appreciate those as much as the good parts. I’ve come to know her really well as a person. I know that she has immense potential and has already accomplished so much in her life. Most importantly I know just how good of a person she is and that her good heart drives her to want to make a difference. This desire to make a difference is the reason we both joined the renewable energy field. It’ also the reason we both left. While I left during the winter months, Maria stuck it out for a bit longer. She still saw opportunity and indeed there was some, however, the opportunity ran out along with the money in the company and it was no longer realistic to stay there. That drive to make a change through this company had been blown away with the 4 o’clock wind of the North Fork.

Needing a break from the ridiculousness of the start-up company, she felt it a good time to get a job at a local restaurant and enjoy the summer on the North Fork for was it has to offer; wine, beaches and great food. Well Maria, I guess, didn’t need as long of a break as she originally thought. Her initial plans were to work throughout the summer at this joint and come autumn, begin looking for a “real job” back in the environmental field. With the managerial experience she gained and the rise of the “green” energy industry on Long Island, she’s in an excellent position to find a job and indeed she has.

This morning she called to tell me that she was offered a position as an office manager with a solar company up island and that she starts in about two weeks time. I don’t think I could be happier for her. The renewable energy industry or some type of environmental field is where she seems to do best and feels accomplished and so it is where she should be. I believe that the place she is heading has exponential potential and that she will grow in so many ways with and within this company. She is a leader when it comes to the work place and she hasn’t been given the total chance to show just what she can do. This is an opportunity that she deserves and I know that she will be valuable to any company she is in.

Speaking of opportunity, this semester I also saw my share of opportunity. (I’ve left out many of the wonderful developments of the semester, so if you’re reading this and are not included, do not feel discluded.)

About mid-semester I realized that Environmental Design, Policy and Planning was a great major, but that it I could graduate earlier using the credits I’ve already accumulated through my previous studies if I were an Environmental Humanities major. While that was a large influence in my decision, it was not the only one. By no means was I trading any academic opportunity in order to shorten my stay at the school. On the contrary, the faculty director of this new major proved to be an excellent professor. She is an anthropologist, my previous area of study and developed this new major with many of the concepts of anthropology being taken into account. The major essentially focused on how mankind interacts within the environment. And while this area doesn’t focus directly on the policy and planning, it does focus on people and how they have evolved and changed as well as where they’re at now. This is the area that I need to be in; dealing with people. People from anywhere and everywhere and learning from them as well as educating them about the environment and our place in it; saving the world and all that. So I changed my major. Throughout the semester, my faculty director and I discussed plans to continue learning and getting credit, but doing so in a practical manner; off campus. This conversation vamped up tremendously when we were told that the Southampton campus would be closing due to NY State budget cuts. SUNY, State University of New York, cut a substantial amount from Stony Brook University and the administration at Stony Brook was quick to pass out that cut to its satellite campus’ in Manhattan and Southampton. The Manhattan campus is extremely small and there are no full-time students strictly attending that campus. However, Southampton was being marketed as its own campus and had at least eight undergraduate majors that were solely offered on the Southampton campus. I’ll skip that story for now. For those who are involved in my life directly, you’ve heard about it already. Anyway, the offer arose to be an intern during the summer at Sylvester Manor on Shelter Island. Having never heard of the place, I relied on the description that my professor gave me. Later on in the semester my professor and I along with a fellow student who is doing the internship as well took a trip out to the Manor house. It’s incredible. It’s rich in history. The landscape is splendid. I couldn’t wait to begin the internship. I made my schedule so that I would only need to be at the Main Campus of Stony Brook for two days out of the week. I would take three classes for a total of 10 credits and during the rest of the week catch up on school work all while focusing on the 6 credit internship at Sylvester Manor. And the classes I’d be taking on the Main Campus were with professors and students from the Southampton Campus. What an opportunity!

In addition to the internship, I also received a grant from the University to do undergraduate research over the summer. I’m currently awaiting approval on my research. As it involved the study of “human subjects,” I was required to go through training to ensure ethical action and proper precautions. It’s important to protect the people you’re working with and although the training and proposal for research took a bit of time, it was helpful and – now that it’s over – worthwhile. I’ve been “banking” on using the research as a main source of income for the summer too, as my work with the vineyard doesn’t quite pay much. But what it lacks in pay, it makes up for in environment and discounted wine. The family who owns the vineyard is wondrous. They’re adopting of their employees. I feel like part of the family. My girlfriend and I met last summer on the vineyard. She was working in the tasting room while I was doing the Greenmarkets in New York City. We’re still together and now she’s working at one of the Greenmarkets as well. She no longer lives on the Island, as it was just for the summer, but she lives in the City. I work at three Greenmarkets throughout the week. Friday morning I head into the City, work, and then stay in the City. Saturday mornings both Brenda, my girlfriend, and I head out to our respective markets, after which we make our way out to the eastern end of Long Island, back to the vineyard. Again on Monday morning I make my way back into the City for another market. The days are long, extremely long, and the drive is beginning to get to me. And while I said I feel like I’ve become part of the family, it is still a challenge to work as though I am and have a stake in the business.

The Greenmarkets are populated by farmers… the people who work on the farm and have a vested interest in the success of the business. They also typically hire people from the City, whether they’re friends or just folks in need of a job, who meet them at market locations and work. But not being a farmer and still having to make my way into the City to represent the vineyard is a challenge. While I know damn well that small farms don’t typically produce a large amount of income and the owners of them work their tails off, I don’t feel that I’ve contributed enough to the product to be able to give that same effort, let alone know the necessary information to sell it as well. Having done the market with the winemaker I can attest that it truly makes a difference to have that knowledge as well as the vested interest.

Moving back towards the current situation, I’m between a rock and a hard place with too many directions to go. I feel obligated to continue throughout the summer with the Greenmarket study; however it doesn’t seem as practical any longer. With Maria most likely moving in the next month, I need to either find a roommate or a new place to live. I also have the opportunity to find a new path that completely diverges from the one that I was planning for.

I love the apartment we have now. It’s right off of the most precious Main Street any town in America could ask for, Love Lane. I walk out my door, through a small parking lot, between two buildings and across the street to my favorite place in the area; Love Lane Kitchen. They roast the best coffee and have a team of people that rival any establishment I’ve ever been to. Maria and I have two cats; Che and Orion. While our landlord doesn’t really approve because of the business below, we seem to have found a schedule that suites us both. The cats roam the area at night and return early in the morning only to plop down on the nearest pillow for the remainder of the day. Come the evening they’re rested up and ready to explore once more. The water, either the Long Island Sound or the Great Peconic Bay, is so close that it’s a challenge not to reach it over the course of a daily run – how much better can it get!

Given those benefits of the place, it is expensive. It would also be good not to have to worry about the cats and be in an area where we could sit outside closer to our place. It seems that it all might be over soon anyway…

I’m not sure that it makes any sense for me to stay in the area. Honestly, this is probably the only area that I’d like to live in on Long Island. I’ve considered getting a place closer to the Main Campus at Stony Brook. It would be a shorter drive (it takes about an hour from our apartment on the North Fork) and along the North Shore there are some wooded areas that could be nice. However, for the fall semester I only need to be on campus for two out of seven days of the week. I plan on spending at least two, maybe three days on Shelter Island, which is about 30 minutes in the opposite direction as Stony Brook Main Campus. Had the Southampton campus not closed I would be in an excellent situation; my apartment is right between the two places and it makes sense still to stay and work at the vineyard and continue with the Greenmarket study. Paumanok is only about 5 minutes away from my apartment, making an easy commute to work (although the drive into the city is much longer, obviously). And if I were to move closer to Stony Brook, it would no longer make sense to work at the vineyard, and hence, no sense to do the Greenmarket study. As I said, if I stay I need to find someone to share the apartment with or a place that’s close by, however, summer places on the North Fork are extremely expensive and hard to come by.

One of my options is to cancel the Greenmarket study although it would mean that I would also cancel the grant opportunity along with it. The loss of the money isn’t the biggest concern with that action. I’m more concerned that the opportunity of a grant is so good that it would be a shame to pass it up. This would be the first time I’m being paid to get credit!

I am set on continuing with my education in some fashion. Already this summer I miss the daily routine of classes. I miss learning and doing so, constructively in close settings. I feel the need to be educated and continue learning. There are too many things to learn… Of course there are infinite things I don’t know, but it’s not about not knowing, it’s about learning and experiencing which I value most. I would absolutely love to transfer to a different school. A small school with a focus on environmental issues or even a large school as long as the focus was on the environment and the student body represented that. If my credits all transferred I would be able to finish in about two or three semesters. My girlfriend is leaving for Paris later this summer and will be studying at a university for two semesters, after which she hopes to get an internship for the summer. With that being the scenario, I’m not held back by the desire to be close to her, for if I continued at Stony Brook, she’d still be across the Atlantic Ocean.

The financial situation is also bugging me. Stony Brook is a NY State university and so tuition is low. Brenda made a key point that money can be lost, but what you learn stays with you, or maybe it was; someone can take away your money, but can never take away what you have learned. What she was getting at is that an investment in education is worth it if what you are learning is something that you truly value. I could not agree with her more. However, the timeline for transferring to another school is not to my advantage. When Southampton campus was told that the campus would be closing come the fall semester it was already bordering the deadline for transferring. We speculate that the school timed their decision intentionally, although that it up for debate. Incoming students had already denied acceptance to other colleges as well as scholarships to different schools in order to attend Stony Brook’s Southampton campus. While they are still being offered the “education” of Stony Brook, they were marketed and expecting the education they would have received at the Southampton Campus; a complete and utter divergence from the metropolis replication of Main Campus. My close friends at Southampton are also stuck going to the Main Campus. We feel like refugees of war, heading into a neighboring nation that does not welcome us, while our home lies in ruins because of a battle’s destruction.

It feels good to finally get something written about this. I don’t necessarily feel that I’ve gotten anywhere or come to any conclusions, but it still feels good. I don’t expect sympathy, I don’t want it either… it doesn’t do any good. It’s like sending money to an organization near the holidays because they give a pair of new shoes to a child in a poor nation. While the act itself is nice enough, there is no experience of the joy that the child has when they get their shoes. – I’m giving credit where credit is due: this example of the holiday giving is from the Fragrant Palm Leaves, a collection of journal entries by Thich Nhat Hahn.

While I continue to contemplate the options I’m trying to keep in mind that my situation, while frustrating and shocking, is not a bad one. I know that this period is in some way a personal test. I also know that I will pass with strength. The result will be one of personal growth. I cannot wait to see what lies around these blind turns.